The Happiness Game

How Life Deals The Next Card: Based on your hand, which is your perspective, you always do whatever makes sense next. Other people have to do what makes sense to them, but that's based on their cards, not yours. The world's cards, other people's cards, and your cards together determine how things turn out.

Current Card: You're texting a friend about something your boss did that bothered you.

Next Card: Mid-conversation, they go silent. Hours pass. Nothing.

Next Cards:

• Did I say something wrong?
• Are they mad at me?
• I'm being annoying.
• I should've kept my mouth shut.
• Maybe I'm too much.

Dissatisfaction is a natural and useful feeling, but getting stuck there means we're playing life on Hard Mode: We feel bad and we can't think as clearly, which leads to worse decisions and getting even less of what we want.

Anything that keeps us stuck on Hard Mode, like jealousy, traffic, or politics, is a Misery Subscription. Signs include lingering upset, tension, resentment, anger, hatred, jealousy, disappointment, sulking, moping, dwelling on negative thoughts, impulsively reacting with raw emotion, or beating yourself up for that dumb comment you made in the meeting.

Our objective is becoming clearer! Focus on Joy Subscriptions and unsubscribe from misery to maximize life satisfaction.

"Traffic used to really stress me out and ruin my evenings, but I figured out how to unsubscribe from the misery. I actually subscribed to some joy. I've been enjoying crime podcasts on my way home, so traffic means I get more podcast time!"

1. Take a deep breath: in for four, out for eight.
2. Ask yourself, "What am I feeling here?" Take a moment to feel the emotion without the mind judging it negatively. The energy is usually intense. Where do you feel it in your body?
3. Name the feeling: "I'm feeling anxious".

"If the only thing people learned was not to be afraid of their experiences, that alone would change the world."
— Sydney Banks

Cards we accept:

• ✅ It's how things happened to turn out.
• ✅ I'm feeling pissed right now.
• ✅ These are the cards I was dealt.

• 🚫 Acceptance means I'm a pushover.
• 🚫 Acceptance means I don't take action.

NOTE: We can only accept cards that have been dealt in the past and present. Future cards haven't been dealt yet, which means we can influence them.

"When we reject a painful emotion, it only intensifies."
— Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD

Pretending to accept doesn't help. We have a Premium Misery Subscription when we can't accept. We benefit from respecting that this is just where we're at with it. Instead, we acknowledge and accept the non-acceptance card: "Ooof, I'm really pissed! Yup, I'm stuck in Hard Mode for now.".

🚨 The more we want something, the more difficult it is to accept things not going our way, but we're building resilience. Just as we can't lift heavy weights the first time we go to the gym, acceptance is harder in the beginning. We start training by working to accept the smaller things, like a spilled drink. In time, challenging situations and uncomfortable feelings, can become funny and even enjoyable.

Figuring out how to get what we want is often a riddle, and the path is a little different for each player. Being wrong becomes an upgrade. Weaker cards get swapped for wiser ones when you learn from your experiences, especially the uncomfortable ones. As your hand becomes wiser, you're dealt better cards, which means you're getting more of what you want. The more you learn, the more fun and satisfying life becomes!

We are trying to understand our reasoning and honestly see how we feel about everything. We're looking for the hidden cards influencing our decisions, and we do this using friendly curiosity by continually wondering "Why?"

For example, what outcomes am I afraid of? I don't want to look stupid, but I shouldn't care what people think. Actually, why do I care what they think? Well, if my supervisors think I'm stupid, I might not get the promotion. Okay, I don't want to look stupid; that makes sense. Why do I think I would look like an idiot? Someone may ask me something I don't know. Should I know the answer to everything? No, not really. I just think I'll be nervous and stumble on my words. Well, I can only play the cards I was dealt, so I'm going to do whatever makes sense. I'm going to think through a few scenarios so I can be more prepared. I can only do my best and see how the hand plays out.

You see that your message was read, but now they're ignoring you. You start thinking they're mad at you, and you feel the urge to rage-text.

You recognize the rage as an inevitable feeling based on your cards, but also an unhelpful one. You stop disliking what you're experiencing. Your mind becomes clearer, letting you think things through more logically. You decide to wait instead of reacting.

Later, you learn they were tied up in a meeting, and you feel glad you handled it with a clearer mind. Next time you're waiting on a reply, there's less frustration, clearer thinking, and a more enjoyable experience overall.

"Until we know we are wrong, being wrong feels exactly like being right."
— Kathryn Schulz

Understanding the game helps you more successfully build a life you love by focusing on things like amazing relationships, physical health, financial security, and work you truly care about. That's exactly what we'll explore in part two.

I created The Happiness Game to improve my life, but I give it away for free so people can get the results they want, too. If you find yourself stuck on Hard Mode, we can look at some of your cards together so you can swap them for wiser ones. Just book a strategy session or message me. There is no charge, so let's get you unstuck. I'd also love to hear what you think about the game, especially if you feel it can't work for your situation.

If you'd rather not talk with a human, the Happiness Game AI can help you through a situation. ChatGPT or Gemini